I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
