I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
