i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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