I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize