Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
