you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
