i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
