what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
