That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
