He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
