I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
accomplished twins. life is a go
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
