he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
