yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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