so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
