why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
