I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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