I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
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She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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