She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
