I think im going to throw up on grandma
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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