Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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