i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
