I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize