I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
