And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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