What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Do vagina's smell?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
