I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
