Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have feelings that need drinking.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
