I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize