I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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