3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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