so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
