I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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