But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
