he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
