So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
