Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you