You made me cry and you don't even care
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar