I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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