how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
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We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16