Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The uberlube is also flammable
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said