I haven't been this sober since birth.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.