how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
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Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
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Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.