ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.