both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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