We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
