I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
