The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
