lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
