i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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