Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
