All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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