Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
whose parrot is this?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
how does that bad decision feel?
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