i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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