who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Ketchup is God's man juice
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
