Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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