Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
