what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
