yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
