i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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