Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
