just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
