I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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