My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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