Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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