I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think i just lost a toe
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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