My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
