Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
