Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
