How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
