Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize