he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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