He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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