Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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