you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
