He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
