1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
