Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
