Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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