That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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