ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
