allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
