I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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