her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
