We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
