Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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