My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
